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[Group picture]Guilt-Free Discipline           ★★★
Guilt-Free Discipline
Author:163ED   UpdateTime:2011-8-2 15:09:24

Don't Feel the Need to Explain Everything
The Problem: From putting his coat on before you leave the house and getting into the car seat, to eating his veggies and taking a bath, everything with your child feels like a battle.

The Solution:
"Why" is a child's favorite question. Children of all ages love to use oppositional behavior to test their limits. Parents often make the mistake of trying to reason with their child when she's misbehaving, which usually leads to more arguing. Instead of getting into a debate that will eventually lead to tears (sometimes for both of you), offer her a firm -- and nonnegotiable -- reason for why she needs to do what you're telling her. If she does something that can hurt her or another child, simply say: "We don't do this -- it's dangerous." When she throws her toys: "We don't throw toys. It's time to put them away." If she doesn't want to be strapped into her car seat: "It's the law, so you need to sit in your car seat or we are not going anywhere." "Don't banter back and forth with your child," Dr. Phelan says. "You've made your decision and you're done."

Guilt-Free Discipline


Be Consistent
The Problem: You know you shouldn't, but you sometimes let bad behavior slide to avoid a confrontation.

The Solution:
Your little one has decided to empty all of his toy bins onto the living room floor. He usually gets a time-out for this behavior, but it's the end of the day and you're beat. It's okay to let him get away with it just this one time, right? Wrong, Dr. Stoner says. Letting it go sends the message that this behavior is okay, so you have no one to blame but yourself when your child drives you crazy with it later on. "There has to be a consequence every time a child does something he shouldn't. You can't do it sometimes and not others. Initially, it's a lot of work for the parents, but it pays off in the long run."

Practice Encouragement, Not Praise
The Problem: Your child expects a reward every time she behaves.

The Solution:
According to Dr. Leman, there is a big difference between encouragement and praise. For example, you come home one afternoon to find that your daughter has washed the breakfast dishes without being asked. Your response: "You're the best little girl in the whole world! You get $5 for being such a good kid!" That's praise -- and it sets up a pattern of entitlement and expectations that can follow your child throughout her life. Encouragement would be: "That was such a thoughtful thing to do! Thank you!" Part of a parent's job is to make sure each child gives back to the family in some way, Dr. Leman says. "They shouldn't expect a reward for it."

Don't Forget to Have Fun!
The Problem: You're worried your kids see you as "mean Mommy."

The Solution:
Discipline doesn't have to be a constant drag, Dr. Phelan says. You can enforce rules in a fun way by using some creativity. For example, if your kids have a hard time focusing on homework when they get home from school, make a game out of it. "Set the kitchen timer and tell them the goal is to finish their work before it goes off," Dr. Phelan says. You can do the same when it comes to brushing teeth, getting dressed in the morning, or cleaning bedrooms. Or set up a chart in the kitchen where your kids can check off their assignments and chores when they're done -- kids love to see visual reminders of what they've accomplished!

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