Step 2: Relate Try to get to the bottom of your kid's bellyaching. Is he whining because he's trying to control a situation? If that's the case, give him a job that relates to that specific scenario. For instance, if he whines about how long you're taking at the supermarket, let him choose which apples to bag or how many bagels to buy.
Is he simply venting? Just as you like to gripe to your partner about a bad day at work or a stressful exchange with another mom, 3- and 4-year-olds need to express themselves too. You might start by saying, "I know you really want to have an extra balloon, but each child gets only one at the party," Dr. Hackney advises. This will validate his feelings and also give him a reason why you're rejecting his request.
Step 3: Rephrase Whenever I take Avery along to the drugstore, she pleads at the top of her lungs when she sees the seductive selection of candy at the checkout aisle. To keep her quiet (and to avoid the cashier's scowls), I usually give in to her squeals for chocolate within a nano-second. Dr. Hackney suggests a better strategy, which will keep both me and the dentist happy: "Ask her to use her nice voice and to say please, and demonstrate exactly what to say and how to say it. Once she does that, you can then respond to her request with a yes or a reasoned no."
Although you may be tempted to punish your child if she continues to whine, that's not the best solution, says Hayward. "Taking away something like a favorite toy or a special privilege doesn't teach kids how to engage in a positive way in order to get what they're after and just ends up adding to their feelings of powerlessness."
Step 4: Reward When your preschooler does ask you for something in a calm, sweet way ("Can I please have a cookie?"), it's a perfect opportunity to recognize and reinforce his good behavior. "Don't be afraid to gush! You can say, 'Wow, what a lovely way to ask. That sounded so nice,' " says Dr. Hackney. Even if you refuse his request ("We are going to save our appetite for dinner and skip the cookie now"), pointing out how well he used his good voice will make him less likely to resort to whining next time. You'll be relieved you've silenced the din, and he'll have learned how to make himself heard. Back [1] [2]
|